The Murky Waters Have Become Clear

It’s been a very rocky month.

Since my second breast surgery and learning of progresion in my ribs, I’ve started a new treatment of Ibrance/Faslodex and had another PET Scan.

Going into the PET Scan, we were expecting to find further progression in my lung and liver. I was very relieved to learn that was not the case. However, there was ‘intense uptake’ in my tonsils and in two quadrants of lymph nodes in my neck. I needed to know if this was the beginning of something else so I saw my ENT. I was again relieved to learn that, for now, I’m OK. Having my tonsils out should be considered but as long as it’s not an immediate concern they are staying put.

While all this uncertainty was playing out I had a lot of time to think of how I see my future playing out and how I want things to be. It renewed a belief that I’ve had since my diagnosis and that is I don’t wish to have this disease consume me when my treatment options end. I want to die on my terms and when I determine its time.

Last year I contacted Compassion & Choices and worked with them on an Opt ed piece that was published in my local newspaper November 2015. I was later interviewed by local media about the Death with Dignity when New York State law makers announced they wanted to introduce legislation.


This past Wednesday I was interviewed again when Senator Amy Paulin announced she was joining the cause for Death with Dignity legislation after a family member suffered thru a cancer death.

WHEC News 10

I feel like this is a renewed direction I need to go in. Not only for me but for those that also want to have this same choice. And that’s what this is. It’s a choice. It’s not mandatory. Its not something to get talked into. It’s an option. It’s something you can decide NOT to do too.

Death with Dignity is also NOT sucicide. It’s very important to me to change the stigma. Death with Dignity is choosing to die on your own terms when you don’t have the option to live. Suicide is taking your life when you are otherwise healthy and have more of a mental/emotional issue.


Some people that oppose this option do so because of religious reasons or because they fear that the person will somehow be taken advantage of by others. In other words, they’d be ‘talked into’ it because it’s the ‘easy’ option for the caregivers.

Growing up Catholic, I’m very confident and comfortable knowing that MY God doesn’t want me to suffer and more importantly wouldn’t want my Son to watch me suffer and die. MY God wants me to leave my Son with all the best memories I can and non of them include me laying in a bed wasting away or struggling to breathe.

It’s OK if this isn’t right for you. It’s OK if you prefer the biblical, regular way to die. That’s why this is a choice. MY choice. And I am going to fight for this the best I can so this is an option I can choose from.


12 thoughts on “The Murky Waters Have Become Clear

  1. Cathy February 25, 2016 / 4:51 pm

    I watched my father suffocate as the fluid in his lungs eventually drowned him. No one should ever have to suffer like that. If someone doesn’t agree with this, they can do it their own way.

    • stickit2stage4 February 27, 2016 / 2:43 am

      I’m so sorry you both went thru that. No one should be left with memories like that. I just want everyone to have the option to choose.

  2. hjelmstd February 16, 2016 / 10:44 pm

    I agree. We should have the right to decide. I’m also thinking about another post I read in Marie’s Valentine round-up from a friend who is anxious and getting many second opinions. My own belief is that the way to find peace is to march right up to mortality and face it. No matter how much we may wish to live on and on, we are all going to die. If I can be even semi-okay with that (for myself or for my dear husband), I can live a bit more serenely. It’s just hard to get there.

    • stickit2stage4 February 16, 2016 / 10:48 pm

      We do need to be more comfortable with our mortality. It’s such a taboo subject or treated as sucicide if we choose anything other than a lingering death that pleases everyone else. I can’t do that. I have to do what’s right for me and that may not be what’s right for everyone else.

  3. nancyspoint February 15, 2016 / 2:53 pm

    Important topic. There should be options, and I appreciate how you emphasized this is all about choice. Thank you for speaking out about this highly emotional subject.

  4. Pat Wetzel February 14, 2016 / 6:03 pm

    I feel strongly about this topic. Any chance we might connect to discuss? We’re starting a Blab (video talk radio) and this is a topic I’d like to discuss. I’m reachable at

    • stickit2stage4 February 14, 2016 / 8:02 pm

      Absolutely. I’ll send you an email.

  5. helensamia February 14, 2016 / 11:18 am

    I believe that we should be allowed to choose our time to leave this world and in a peaceful compassionate way…

    • stickit2stage4 February 14, 2016 / 3:27 pm

      Thank you. I agree. I wish everyone felt that way.

  6. Mandi February 14, 2016 / 5:46 am

    The ability to have control and choose is a good thing. Good for you!

Leave a Reply to stickit2stage4Cancel reply