Six Month Increments

It’s been six years, six months, and 24 days.

I’ve been living my life in six-month increments.

I go about my life like everything is normal, like nothing is wrong.

Don’t let them see. Smile. Laugh. Don’t let them hear any worries or fears.

Celebrate all the moments, create lasting memories.

It’s the happiness I want them to have when I’m no longer there.

It’s been six years, six months, and 24 days.

I’ve been living my life in six-month increments.

Those on the outside looking in are scared of what they see.

It could be them as easily as it was me.

Anger is mistaken for bitterness.

Determination is mistaken for anger.

Knowledge is mistaken for negativity.

People I thought were my friends turned into ghosts.

It was easier to dismiss what wasn’t understood.

It’s been six years, six months, and 24 days.

I’ve been living my life in six-month increments.

Making friends just like me. Forming strong bonds.

Watching them get sicker, seeing them die.

Feelings of guilt while being happy, I’m still alive.

Every day I take pills.

Every day there are side effects.

Every month I have appointments.

Every six months, I get scans.

It’s been six years, six months, and 24 days.

I am living my life in six-month increments.

13 thoughts on “Six Month Increments

  1. Laurie February 26, 2020 / 12:04 am

    Thank you for your powerful words. I am not yet 6 months in on the stage 4 journey and still coming to terms (and figuring out how to read my own feelings) yet this already rings do true.

    • stickit2stage4 February 26, 2020 / 1:13 am

      Welcome to the club you never wanted to join. I know you’re still processing everything, if you’re up for it, in April there is a conference for MBC patients in Philly. I cannot recommend it enough. I have a link in the Personal Recommendations tab on my website with more information.
      Travel grants are available. Maybe I’ll see you there? 😊

  2. The Inner Circle February 25, 2020 / 3:58 pm

    Its been almost 7 years and I’m still watching the clock. But I’m also very happy you are here and living your life. I wish we were closer so you could see the cheetah and we could have a coffee once in a while.

    • Cheryl February 25, 2020 / 4:31 pm

      All I can say is “WOW”…just SO powerful and completely hit home with me and I’m sure with many others. I’ve been living the same way since April of 2017 with a Stage IV MBC diagnosis out of left field, no prior history or family history. I take pills everyday. I go to the clinic every month and have scans every 6 months. Always moving forward, but also always waiting for the day that the results are no longer “stable” because we know that day will come.
      I just received an email from Disney Cruises, (big fan!), announcing their 2021 itineraries and I long for the days when I could, without hesitation, book a trip that far in advance. Now I hesitate. I still travel and do things, but am sadly and acutely aware that I may not be here in 2021. I long for those carefree days.
      Thanks so much for putting your feelings out there. It isn’t easy and as supportive as most folks are it seems there is always someone at the ready with a negative or unnecessary comment. Take care of yourself.💜☠️💜

      • stickit2stage4 February 26, 2020 / 12:36 am

        Aside from the dx date, we could be twins. 🙂
        I completely understand the hesitation you may feel in planning “too far ahead” however- that’s what travel insurance is for. Give yourself something to plan for, to look forward to. If it’s in your budget, book the Cruise (and tack on the insurance). Neither of us may be here in 2021 but we’re here now. We’re here today. When you get back don’t forget to email me pictures 😊

    • stickit2stage4 February 26, 2020 / 1:31 am

      Cheetah would have fun playing with my grand-cats. There are 4 (possibly a 5th).

  3. ferriswheel04 February 25, 2020 / 11:10 am

    Love this. Especially all the mistaken feelings. Can so relate to that.

    • stickit2stage4 February 25, 2020 / 12:59 pm

      Thank you. If I had a nickel for all the times my feelings were mistaken, I could afford my meds without a grant!

  4. Carmen February 25, 2020 / 10:47 am

    You did it again….. brilliant powerful poem. You have such a power to move people, through your words and actions. Don’t ever underestimate the strength you are giving others. Thank you

    • stickit2stage4 February 25, 2020 / 12:57 pm

      Thank you. I appreciate your kind words more than you know.

  5. sarahsouthwest February 24, 2020 / 3:47 pm

    I know that feeling – you describe it so well.

  6. Carole February 24, 2020 / 1:06 pm

    Well my dear, that was hearbreakingly BEAUTIFUL and HOPEFUL in it’s own way!

Leave a Reply