Get Out And Vote!

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I’ve never used my blog for political purposes. Today, that changes.

Today, I spent three hours with my granddaughter. I truly cherish every second I’m with her. Her curiosity, smile, and watching how she processes information even at this young age of (almost) ten months is an irreplaceable gift.

I couldn’t help but think about what is at stake regarding her future. Her ability to access healthcare and total autonomy over her body. The person she chooses to love and build a future with could potentially put her in danger. These are issues I never had to worry about growing up. These are issues NO ONE should have to worry about.

I’m not overstating when I say freedom is on the line with tomorrow’s midterm elections. People are running for office with no business in politics, let alone making decisions for the country. Most of us know this. To some people, what matters is a warm body getting elected simply because they agreed to regurgitate what others tell them to do.

I cannot emphasize enough how important every single vote is in tomorrow’s midterm elections. Don’t waste your voice through your vote. Don’t allow politicians to take personal or family decisions away from the people who should be making them.

There is a cancer running rampant right now in this country (and I don’t mean Covid). This country must be put back on track before it metastasizes and we run out of options.

If you haven’t already- get out and VOTE.

She May Be Gone But She Never Really Left Me

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It’s almost been a year since I said goodbye to my hero. Tori was more than just my friend. She was like a sister even though she was young enough that she could have been my daughter. That was something we always joked about. In the short time Tori was in my life, we managed to create a lifetime of the best memories together.Wether it was sharing a Starbucks at a convention, letting our inner tequila monster out on a flight or making a video of the hilarious way Benedryl affected Tori there was always side-splitting laughter to the point of tears. It’s been challenging doing life without out daily phone calls.

The Last Bestie Selfie

Friends Are The Family We Choose

More than just being able to see me one last time. Tori wanted to make sure she connected three people she loved dearly. Dan, Elaine and me. We all had our own special friendship with her. Dan and Elaine knowing her longer than me but she had wanted us all to get together. Under different circumstances of course but Cancer waits for no one. I finally met the two people Tori always talked about in her hospice suite.

Dan was kind enough to scoop me up at the airport and bring me to where Tori was. I could see the pain in his eyes. He made me feel welcome – like family. I has already “met” Elain over FaceTime this past September but this was the first time we all were in the same room. It was oddly comforting being with them; an extension of Tori.

Me & Tori at Starbucks, San Antonio, TX

The Missing Scissors

Tori always said she would tell me she was still around after she was gone. She’s made good on her promise. At least, that’s my interpretation.

I have a nasty habit of trimming my bangs. It usually doesn’t end well. Tori has always strongly discouraged me from reaching for the scissors. Well, she fixed my wagon the last time I went for them. They . have . vanished. I know she’s behind it. I kept them in the same spot. I used them in the same place. There is no other reasonable explanation. Now I look like Cousin It from the Adams Family when my hair is down.

There’s also the Ohio State hooded sweatshirt we found in a spot that was not accessible to the public. Don’t tell me that’s a coincidence. Ohio State is her alma mater, and she was a HUGE fan of their football team.

I Know She Hears Me

It may sound odd, but I talk to Tori. Not always out loud, and I don’t carry on a conversation or anything. A few times, I did get caught saying something out loud to her. I explained I was talking to my dog Bella because everyone talks to dogs. It was also easier than admitting I was talking to my bestie in heaven.

So, if I am reticent the next few days or don’t seem present, you’ll know why. I’m Ok. I’ll just be looking for my scissors while talking to Tori with a shot of tequila in my hand.

Pumpkin Spice & Everything Else

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All things Pumpkin spice is a popular flavor in our household so I felt compelled to make pumpkin cookies. But is it just me or do Pumpkin Spice Lattes make their appearance earlier each year? I’ve even seen Halloween candy on store shelves last month. August. WOAH! SLOW DOWN!

My Beauty

The most amazing happened this past Tuesday. I was to watch my beautiful granddaughter for an hour or two. Right before my daughter-in-law left, while My Beauty was in my arms, she said Da-Da! Her first word! I thought my heart would burst. It was even captured on video by my daughter-in-law. I will have it anytime I want to see it. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to scare My Beauty.

When my son said his first word, I missed it. I was at work and he was with my mom. I will never forget the disappointment I felt because I wasn’t there. There are so many firsts and as parents we want to be there for all of them. Being with My Beauty when she said her first word more than made up for the disappointment I felt all those years ago. It’s cliche to say, but I truly feel blessed for having this moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be here to hear it.

Scan Day

Friday, I’m having a PET/CT. The scans I had in June were questionable so now three months later this scan should give a clear picture of what, if anything, is going on inside my body. I’m just a little nervous this time around because there are a lot of questions that will be answered. I’m not sure I’m ready for some of them.

In preparation, I have created a new playlist to listen to while I sit and wait for the radioactive tracer to make it’s way through my body. When I figure out a way to share it here, I will. Tomorrow, (24 hrs before my scan) I have to eliminate any and all carbs. I cannot chew gum, have candy, drink soda or (worst of all) caffeine. I also am restricted from any kind of exercise, heavy lifting or other strenuous activities. That means I cannot leave my apartment. We have been taking the stairs due to an issue with the elevator. Six flights up and down. Since last January. Unfortunately for me, it’s done nothing for me weight loss wise. Figures.

One thing I haven’t mentioned is that a slow-growing new primary cancer was discovered last November. Renal Cell Carcinoma is the medical term. Broken down, I have a tumor in my kidney. It was small then and because of the location, a biopsy was not possible. It may never interfere with the treatment for MBC. As long as it stays small (less than a centimeter) it won’t be a concern. Truth be told, that little bugger is the least of my concerns.

Also, I’ve updated my website again. If there are any glitches encountered, (and I think there are) shoot me an email or comment on this post to let me know.

Does music help you find your zen the way it does for me? Let me know what some of your favorites are. Until next time……

Vaccines, Shots and Scan Results

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When I scheduled my COVID booster, I didn’t look at the calendar. I always check my calendar—this time, I did not. I checked with my oncologist to see if I could get the vaccine before a PET/CT. You can’t, by the way. So when I scheduled my COVID booster, I didn’t know it was the day before my Faslodex shots. I will never make that mistake again. I historically have a complete immune response that includes high fever, muscle pain, bone pain, chills, and headaches. To add insult to injury, I also had them give me the flu vaccine because why not feel the absolute worst I can possibly feel at one time.

I did try to change my vaccine appointment, but it would have pushed it out to the middle of October. I wasn’t comfortable with that. Onward. As expected, I had all the side effects. I also didn’t sleep because of them. I shivered and sweated while watching my new favorite show: Bones. How did I miss it when it was on? My fever reached 102.5, and I contemplated canceling my Faslodex appointment more than once. Hourly, in fact.
When Tuesday morning arrived, I choked down some Tylenol with some very strong coffee and slowly got ready for my appointment.

An Unexpected Surprise

It turns out this wasn’t going to be a normal Faslodex appointment. It was also time to get my Xgeva shot. Xgeva helps keep my bones strong-ish. It’s a small subcutaneous injection but really packs a punch. I get it every three months. Let’s not forget the port draw I wasn’t expecting. Honestly, that is typically the least painful even without numbing cream. We did the Faslodex first. The alcohol they swab your behind with didn’t dry completely. I knew this as soon as they jabbed the needles into me because it burned something awful. The sensation went all the way down my legs. That always makes it feel like the shots last FOR-EVER.

My angry port.

The port draw was next. The nurse jammed the large thumbtack-like needle into my port. She fidgeted with it and told me to turn my head to the left (my port is on the right). She wasn’t getting a blood return. The nurse raised the foot on the reclining chair I was in and released the back, so I was lying down in this chair. Still no blood. The nurse explained she needed to use a medication called Alteplase which would break up the small clot preventing the blood from coming thru my port. I had to sit while the Alteplase did its thing. Thirty minutes later, the nurse could get blood return and draw my labs. Finally, she administered the Xgeva, and I was free to go.

Scan Results

Good news. There were no new metastasis seen and my new friend in my kidney is still too small to be seen. I’m thankful my oncologist agreed to the PET after my previous scans. It makes me nervous to think if she had gone with the June scans, and the inconsistencies, and decided to change my treatment how that would have gone. We agreed to scan again in March.

Dear Cancer, Kiss This!