My Oncologist suggested I try acupuncture to help with the side effects of the Exemestane I’ve been taking for the last 10 months as well as nerve damage from radiation I had to my ribs. To be honest, I wasn’t happy at the prospect of more needles but these are not supposed to hurt and I am SO ready to feel some relief that I figured it couldn’t make things worse…. Right??

So, I had my first acupuncture treatment last week and you wouldn’t believe how it started.

Ready??

The woman (thank God she waa female because I would have walked out otherwise – you’ll see why shortly). I was told to disrobe but to leave my bra and underwear on and to lay down on the table. She would step out and come back when I was ready. She takes my pulse on both arms and says my Chi is totally fucked up and slow. Well we can’t have this so I need to get unblocked or else none of what she has planned will work. To do this she needs to put 4 needled is 4 very specific spots because they form a kind of circle. So she begins to explain that one goes in my chin…the other in my upper gum area above my teeth…another goes in my tail bone and the last one goes in my …..(sit down for this).. my perineum (you know, that space we have between our vagina and our anus). Now these needles don’t stay there, she just pokes them in and yanks them out. I can still feel that one in my ‘special spot’ and I left my appointment a week ago.

She had me sit up and she mapped out the placement of about a dozen needles she put up and down my back. These she left in place for 10 minutes. Finally she had me lay back down and she put what looked like little piles of ash on my chest and lit them on FIRE…yes, I said fire. I was instructed to let her know when I felt the heat and she would scoop the ash off. At the end she checked both pulses again. She said I was good to go and I left.

After I left I began to doubt the good this will do because how could putting needles near my lady parts and burning ash on me help??? Well, I did the thing I do best and I Googled. I found a message board on an acupuncture site and posted my concern. It took a while but I did get some replies. I was told that this was very common with someone who practices The Five Elements Acupuncture and that those four needles are usually done in the first or second session. The ash is called Moxa and its done before the insertion of needles on certain points. It was suggested that I give it 3-4 treatments before I decide to quit.

I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and continue going but there is NO way she’s doing those 4 points again.

Moral of the story….if you go to an acupuncturist make sure you ask where she might put those fucking needles before you find yourself in that familiar gynecological position with a strange woman’s hand up your cooch!!

I’ll let y’all know how this drama ends and if it gives me any relief.

***I never went back and never felt and benefit whatsoever. I do have friends that swear by acupuncture so I would suggest that you get a recommendation from a friend or someone that has been to wherever you choose to go.