Tag: anxiety

August Is My Trigger

August Is My Trigger

A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.   Every year since 2013, August has been my trigger. There is no getting away from it. I've tried. I keep trying. Every week of this month has a day that I … Continue reading August Is My Trigger

Inside Anxiety

Inside Anxiety

Fun fact about me: I occasionally suffer from panic attacks. They began shortly after cancer became part of my life. They come out of nowhere. Randomly. Usually at the worst possible times. I'm having one now. I'm trying to distract myself. If I don't and I let the feelings wash over me, I'm afraid the … Continue reading Inside Anxiety

Quick Update

Quick Update

Friday is my regular appointment with my local Oncologist and for shots. Last month I mentioned that I was having some new pain in my ribs/back - right side (cancer side that was previously radiated). At the time I wasn't all that concerned but brought it up because that's what we are told to do … Continue reading Quick Update

A Little Bit Of PTSD

A Little Bit Of PTSD

Today, I'm headed to Manhattan ahead of my PET scan and appointment with my Oncologist at Sloan Kettering. I usually enjoy the drive down but this time I'm a little uneasy.   Last year at this time I had a scan and was told the Lymph nodes under my left arm (non-cancer side) lit up … Continue reading A Little Bit Of PTSD

The Mind F*ck

The Mind F*ck

Ask anyone. Living with Cancer is a total mind fuck and if you're living with Metastatic (terminal) Cancer like I am it's a never ending mind fuck roller coaster. Monthly blood work to see if the cancer is waking up and planning a move. Regular scans to see if your insides are glowing. You stay … Continue reading The Mind F*ck

Just Don’t Think About It

Just Don’t Think About It

I haven't written in a while. I've been dealing with pain issues and getting thru the holiday season without needing bail money. First, my pain has been off the charts. I've been having horrible pain in my hips/pelvis and back. The morphine I've been on isn't helping and that's not good. After emailing my Oncologist … Continue reading Just Don’t Think About It

My Mental Preparation

My Mental Preparation

Ever since returning from vacation almost 2 weeks ago I have been mentally preparing myself for this coming Friday. Scan day. My 6 month PET/CT. My first follow up this past February was better than I dreamed: NED. Only 6 short months of hormone treatment and I had no active cancer. The celebration  was short … Continue reading My Mental Preparation

The Numbers Game

The Numbers Game

This past Valentine's Day I spent the entire day at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC (my home away from home) and had a battery of tests, scans and doctor appointments. It was my 6 month cancerversary and it was time to see if the hormone therapy I was on was working. My Doctor was pretty … Continue reading The Numbers Game