milestones

Pumpkin Spice & Everything Else

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All things Pumpkin spice is a popular flavor in our household so I felt compelled to make pumpkin cookies. But is it just me or do Pumpkin Spice Lattes make their appearance earlier each year? I’ve even seen Halloween candy on store shelves last month. August. WOAH! SLOW DOWN!

My Beauty

The most amazing happened this past Tuesday. I was to watch my beautiful granddaughter for an hour or two. Right before my daughter-in-law left, while My Beauty was in my arms, she said Da-Da! Her first word! I thought my heart would burst. It was even captured on video by my daughter-in-law. I will have it anytime I want to see it. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to scare My Beauty.

When my son said his first word, I missed it. I was at work and he was with my mom. I will never forget the disappointment I felt because I wasn’t there. There are so many firsts and as parents we want to be there for all of them. Being with My Beauty when she said her first word more than made up for the disappointment I felt all those years ago. It’s cliche to say, but I truly feel blessed for having this moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be here to hear it.

Scan Day

Friday, I’m having a PET/CT. The scans I had in June were questionable so now three months later this scan should give a clear picture of what, if anything, is going on inside my body. I’m just a little nervous this time around because there are a lot of questions that will be answered. I’m not sure I’m ready for some of them.

In preparation, I have created a new playlist to listen to while I sit and wait for the radioactive tracer to make it’s way through my body. When I figure out a way to share it here, I will. Tomorrow, (24 hrs before my scan) I have to eliminate any and all carbs. I cannot chew gum, have candy, drink soda or (worst of all) caffeine. I also am restricted from any kind of exercise, heavy lifting or other strenuous activities. That means I cannot leave my apartment. We have been taking the stairs due to an issue with the elevator. Six flights up and down. Since last January. Unfortunately for me, it’s done nothing for me weight loss wise. Figures.

One thing I haven’t mentioned is that a slow-growing new primary cancer was discovered last November. Renal Cell Carcinoma is the medical term. Broken down, I have a tumor in my kidney. It was small then and because of the location, a biopsy was not possible. It may never interfere with the treatment for MBC. As long as it stays small (less than a centimeter) it won’t be a concern. Truth be told, that little bugger is the least of my concerns.

Also, I’ve updated my website again. If there are any glitches encountered, (and I think there are) shoot me an email or comment on this post to let me know.

Does music help you find your zen the way it does for me? Let me know what some of your favorites are. Until next time……

When You Wish Upon a Star – My Magical Month of May!

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May was a BUSY month! So many amazing milestones were reached I’m still not sure if they all happened. Every day I look at all the pictures taken over the last month & I thank the universe for allowing me to be a small part of it all.

It all began with double graduations from the University of Rochester for my son & his fiancee. We weren’t sure what would happen thanks to Covid-19 until a few months prior. It wasn’t exactly ideal but what matters was I saw them both in their caps & gowns, heard their names called & what every parent dreams of; watching them both walk the stage to receive their degrees. Well, degree covers. There were five ceremonies in all spread out over three days. The big commencement & two-degree major ceremonies for each of them. All streamed live for parents and loved ones to see.

The Graduates

Immediately after the pomp and circumstances, we switched into wedding mode. They chose to get married in my daughter-in-law’s home state of Oregon. I don’t know how they planned the wedding while attending their last year of college AND working. All the while not even sure it would all happen due to all the restrictions and rules for the pandemic. If it weren’t for her parents, it would have been a nightmare for both of them. When it comes to inlaws, Adam won the lottery.

Rehearsal Dinner

They had a beautiful day weather-wise. Their ceremony and reception took place outside. Making for an ideal setting. Clear blue skies and warm temperatures all day. Actually, it was damn hot.

If it had been a contest of who cried more, Adam won. Hands down. It filled my heart to see all the emotions he was experiencing. There was no doubt just how much in love he is. The bride was stunning. She glowed with happiness as her father walked her down the aisle.

After the ceremony, there was a lovely dinner, toasts to the bride and groom, something called The Shoe Game that involved all the wedding guests and llamas. Yes, llamas.

Llamas Anyone?

When I returned home, I was given the all-important task of babysitting their five cats and dog. That week I was literally a cat herder. No easy task I might add.

The newlywed’s honeymooned at Disney World in Orlando, Florida. They had a fun and relaxing time. I won’t lie, I was a lil bit jealous.

Epcot

When I began this blog, my biggest goal was to see Adam graduate from high school. If someone had told me I’d be there for that and so much more milestones in his life I would have laughed and laughed. I never let myself hope for anything beyond the one goal I would set for myself. I was too afraid of hoping for things I’d never be part of. Cancer forces one to not look too far into the future no matter how optimistic. I don’t say this to put anyone off or to be a downer. I say it because of how grateful I am. I must acknowledge how incredibly lucky and appreciative I am.

Which brings me to share, with gratitude this last bit…

Just in case anyone doesn’t understand the photo above, these should do the trick!

January 2022

I’m going to be a *gulp* GRANDMOTHER!!

Truth be told, I’ve known for a while. This has been the HARDEST secret to keep. Those that know me, understand how physically painful this was. I was SWORN to secrecy until other family members were told. Nothing is worse than finding out about important life events than on the internet. So, how long have I known, you ask?

I have a magical new goal!

Proudest Moment Number 6,535 (and counting!)

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Last week was a very big week.

It was a big week for me but more importantly, it was a very big week for Adam.  Adam graduated with honors from a school he has attended since the 6th grade: Bishop Kearney.

I don’t mean to take anything away from Adam. I only mention that it was a big week for me because when I was diagnosed back in 2013 no one was sure if I would be alive to see this day. This day was the only goal I had set for myself (and I made it my medical teams goal too). Regardless of what condition I was in, I WAS going to see my son walk the stage and get his diploma. Last week, not only did I accomplish that but I’m doing OK right now. Better than I had envisioned and I’m so blessed. (That reminds me, there will be an update on the Brain MRI I had at the end of May – stay tuned for another post).

Moving on to a more uplifting topic…… OMG ADAM GRADUATED!!!

The Thursday of Graduation Week (June 8th), there was a Baccalaureate Mass at the neighboring Catholic Church. Bishop Matano was on hand to officiate the Mass. The Graduates entered church as a group and then sat with their families, giving a white carnation to their Mothers (ME!). I am proud to say that Adam had so many family members there that we not only filled the reserved pew but we took over the pew in front of us as well! In addition to Adam’s Grandparents, my Mother and Father In-law, Pat & Bill, Sister In-law, Kim and Niece Leah also came.

On Friday (June 9th), Adam had almost a full day of rehearsal for Graduation. As National Honor Society President, Adam was to deliver a speech. He was instructed to arrive before the other students so he could practice on the stage. We were like two ships passing in the night that day. I had an early morning Dr appointment so I didn’t see Adam before he left. I came home to find an envelope that looked like it was from School. When I opened the envelope and realized that it was a handwritten letter from Adam, the tears began flowing. (I made a mental note to ground him when he got home for not warning me this was coming so I could adequately prepare to read it).  This is what he wrote:

Mom,

How can you thank someone who’s given you everything you have?

The person I am today is the result of everything you’ve done and all of the sacrifices you have made to get me here. Next year, I will be attending one of the highest rated Universities in the entire country and when people tell me that my “hard work is paying off”, I do agree with them, but it’s not even close to half of the full truth.

You’ve done things for me that I would have dreamed impossible if I didn’t know better, for sending me to a private school for just about my entire life, to sending me on a week-and-a-half long vacation to Italy. Now, I am preparing to similarly do the impossible in becoming a doctor. If I’ve learned anything from you, it’s that I can do it, no matter how much I say otherwise.

In a few days I will walk across the stage in a packed auditorium for the first time. Four years later I will do it again, in a much larger room. Eight years from now, the room will be smaller, but the applause will be louder. I said that you taught me I can do anything – but the one thing I cannot do is thank you enough for setting me up for success.

With All My Love,
Adam

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My Special Letter

I am not even lying when I say that it took me damn near 30 minutes to get through the entire letter because of all the tears and ugly crying. (His handwriting didn’t help much either).

This heartfelt letter came from MY KID! The boy, who for the most part, is on the quiet side. The boy, who to have a conversation with, you sometimes have to pull the words out of him. Wow. It’s going to take me a bit to pick out just the right frame for that letter. It needs a very special frame indeed.

I could tell that Adam was nervous and excited Friday night. When I went to say good-night to him, he was carefully picking out his clothes and laying them next to his Graduation cap. It was the most adorable endearing thing. (He’ll kill me if I say adorable).

I hardly slept Friday night. I was so excited. I went thru the memories of Adam’s life, like it was a movie. All of the amazing milestones: his first word, his first steps, his first actual sentence (yes, I remember that specifically because of what he said: “I hung-wee” and trust me, he has yet to feel full!), losing his first tooth, learning to ride a bike, and teaching him how to drive. The trips just he and I took: Hershey Park, the Corning Museum of Glass, Darien Lake, New York City. It’s absolutely astonishing to me to think that his childhood is all but over and he will be beginning this next chapter of his life.

GRADUATION DAY!!!!

June 10th 2017

Somewhere between laying his clothes out and sunrise Adam’s excitement got lost because when I went to wake him up he was none too thrilled. He finally rallied and he even agreed to a pre-Graduation picture! (after the threat of violence).

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Me and The Graduate

The ceremony started at 11am at Roberts Wesleyan College, however the students were told to arrive at 10am. That was fine by me because I wanted to sit in a very specific spot and wanted to secure my place in line. No one was going to stop me from being down front. NO . ONE.  I was going to be in perfect view of the podium so I could capture Adam’s speech on video. I give my husband props for standing with me in line until they opened the auditorium doors. I could rattle off about a thousand other things he’d rather do (watching paint dry) in that hour than standing in a line of people he didn’t know.

As soon as those doors opened, I bee-lined it in. I made my way to the row I wanted and waited for my family to catch up. Third row, stage left (for my non-theater folk, that means the right side of the stage). In perfect position of the podium to see Adam’s speech and to see him get his diploma. I was happy.

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Roberts Wesleyan College

It was a very nice ceremony. Adam gave his speech in between the speeches of the Valedictorian and Salutatorian. He spoke about all the work and fundraising that the National Honor Society did throughout the year. It was especially moving when he mentioned The Scoops Challenge that Adam and the NHS organized to benefit The Cancer Couch Foundation. This was the first year that the school did a fundraiser specifically for Metastatic Breast Cancer. It’s a fundraiser that they will continue to do every year during the month of October.

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Photo by: Bill Rahn

The Commencement speech was given by Patrice Walsh who not only is an Alumni of Bishop Kearney but a very well-known and respected local news reporter. She’s also someone I consider to be a friend and that made the day even more special to me.

To my surprise, Adam received an academic award in Social Studies. It’s a pretty fancy award too! It’s not the paper certificates that he’s gotten in past years. This one is glass and could do some damage.

And then it was time for the Graduates to walk across the stage! Thank GOD his last name is near the front of the alphabet because the waiting seemed to take FOREVER!!

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IT’S OFFICIAL!!

And just like that it was over. My Son had Graduated High School and I saw every single second of it. I have the memories, the pictures, the video of his speech and it was better than I could have ever imagined it.

Now, I reset the clock. I set the clock for new goals and new milestones to be around for. If I did it once, I can do it again and maybe again. At least that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself. Maybe, just maybe, my body and I will listen.

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The Proudest Mom Ever & My Handsome Graduate

A Very Special Day

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Today was a very special day.

As parents we ‘check of’ the various milestones our children reach and make mental notes of those that have yet to come. When you have a terminal illness you find yourself playing a kind of ‘beat the clock’ between yourself and these milestones. Hoping that you’ll still be around to see all of them just as you would if you weren’t sick. Except the milestones become that much more bittersweet. (Will that one be the last? Will I be well enough to see the next one??)

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Today was one of those milestones and not only was I there for it but I felt good. I felt like every Mother should on this day: full of excitement, anticipation and a stomach full of knots.

Today, my Son took his road test to get his Drivers License.

He was SO nervous. He made me wake him extra early so he could get in a few extra parallel parking practices. He didn’t need it but I indulged him.

As I watched him drive away for the test, I flashed back to when I let go of his two-wheeler and he rode his bike without falling. He was doing it and I was here to watch just like before.

The whole test took 7 minutes but it was the longest 7 minutes of my life and I’m betting it felt a whole lot longer for him. While I waited for the DMV Rep to finish the paperwork I caught my Son’s eye and he gave me the ‘nod’ that told me he passed. It was all I could do to hold in the tears.

After all the phone calls and text messages were made telling the good news, I let Adam drop me off home and allowed him to drive to school and work…..alone. He earned this victory drive. I did make him promise me to let me know he made it safely to school since I wasn’t riding shotgun.

Fifteen minutes later I recieved this text message:

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Oh, how I love my sarcastic smarty pants child.